I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
