oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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