at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
