I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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