my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
