Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
