the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
how drunk are you?
Several
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
