but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
