What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
