Only a mothe r could love this liver
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
