all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
