all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
