He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
