I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
