Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize