corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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