Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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