Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need to align my fucking chakras
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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