I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
