i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
