i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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