she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
