remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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