when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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