im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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