Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
