I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
