PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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