i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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