I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
