Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
