You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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