Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
