If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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