i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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