Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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