the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
