What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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