Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
