I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
