Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
