8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
