hell yes lets make some ravioli
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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