Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
