I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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