I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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