Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
