Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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