that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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