I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
