I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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