Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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