look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
