I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
