do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
