Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
