She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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