Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
