I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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