My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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