Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
