nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
