that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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