It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They have beer where we have blood.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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